hatscandraw

Quick, tell me which fangames are the best! I need to go on a downloading spree before loda.jp goes down in March! D;
Almost all the fangames are hosted on there! ;A;

I have so much I want to say and no idea how to say it all. I guess that's why it took me days just to finally reply. I didn't want to put it in a note. To me, notes always seemed like an off-hand thing. Kind of like saying, "Oh yeah, by the way, I guess this kind of needs to be said too, maybe." sort of thing and I guess I wanted you to know this meant more than that to me. Or maybe I just want the whole world to see how much you mean to me. You don't even know. Well, since I've got a lot to say, I should at least try and get started.

I guess I just wanted to say thanks. Before that, though, I want to tell you that your dad never had you in a box. You put up the walls yourself, and you brought them back down. Sure, I might have knocked on them a few times. I might have even taken a chisel to the stone and made a few cracks. But ultimately, you're the one who decided enough was enough and tore them apart.
But enough about that, let's get back to saying thanks. Thank you. Thank you, because have no idea how much better it made me feel just spilling my heart out to someone. It's kind of funny that you felt like you were always copying me – from my perspective, it's always been the other way around. You were this amazing person, and I was always trailing behind you. I admired you, because you were strong. Both physically and mentally, I think you've always been stronger than me. That first paragraph, about the box? Yeah. If that had been me, I don't think I would've had the will to tear the walls back down. I would've much preferred to stay walled in, oblivious to the world I was missing out on. If that box is all you've ever known, then it takes a kind of courage and emotional strength I don't have to step outside of it.

Let's face it though, being stronger than me emotionally isn't saying much. I cry over everything. Even since meeting you, how many times have I cried? How many times has it been over stupid shit that doesn't even matter? Far too often. It pains me to say I cried even more easily as a child. Saying that you're physically stronger than me means even less. I mean, 12 minute mile. What is that shit. Oh wait, I walked it. Never mind.

Now then, forgive this seemingly random statement, but I despise humanity. We're hypocritical and selfish, and so very short-sighted. We kill everything we touch, whether it's other humans or the very planet we live on. We're stupid, pitiable creatures. But, you know, even though this might sound odd considering what I just said, I love humans. I suppose you could say my relationship with humanity is a love-hate one. We are capable of so much evil – no, that's not even right. Good and evil are concepts we've created to justify some of the truly terrible things we do. We are capable of so much destruction, so much death. But, you know, we can restore things too. Buildings, nature, lives, all things we can heal if we try hard enough. I suppose that's why humans love to destroy, though. Because it's so much easier than it is to build or restore. To save a life, we need equipment, training, organs…any number of things! To take a life, we need nothing but our own hands.

So many choose to take the easier path, to destroy rather than create. That's not even counting all those people who choose to do nothing, who look at the two extremes they are presented with and decide simply not to get involved at all, simply going around them and living just because they can. I honestly can't blame them, because if anything, I am one of these people. Regardless, when I look at humanity, what I see is a twisted monster with a heart of gold. It likes to kill, to destroy, to do all these things which we regard as evil. And yet, it is capable of so much more, so much good. That's why, even though I can say with honesty that I love humans, I'd be lying if I said I didn't hate them as well.

However, I can safely say that I love you. Sometimes, I even considered that maybe I loved you in a romantic way. But then I realized that wasn't it. I don't know how to describe it. Certainly, the love I hold for you is far more deep and meaningful than the love I'd have for someone like Agnes or Ryan, but it's not romantic. It's not a familial bond. I don't think of you as a sister, of this much I am certain. Honestly, I don't know. I just know I love you, more than I will ever love any friend, more than I will ever love any family member. Talking about love almost makes me uncomfortable. Does it make you uncomfortable, to hear me ramble on about how much I love you? I know it makes me uncomfortable, though now I'm just repeating myself. If, ever, someone was to tell me "I love you", whether it was in a friendly or romantic manner, I'd probably panic. I don't understand "love". Therefore, I don't know how to deal with it. But I suppose no one does?
What I do understand, though, is this one thing. I told myself I would never say this to anyone, because if I did I'd be lying. However, I think that, when it comes to you, I can honestly believe I'm telling the truth when I say that we'll be best friends forever.

Love,
A clingy bitch who is too damn sappy

that more or less all of your watchers are people you know in real life. OTL